Being Different

Today's post is a guest blog from one of my missionary mum friends, Joni Versteeg. I met Joni, her husband, Eduard, and their two oldest children (of which one was a new born at the time!) at All Nations, we were in the same Tutor Group. They are from Holland and are currently serving with International Teams in Albania. Joni was a missionary kid herself before becoming a missionary mum and so has a great understanding of living life, being 'different' in a new culture.

You may not know this, but if you are a missionary mom like me, you are green. 

I can’t stop thinking about the face of the lady in the bakery down the street. Every time she sees me walk towards the shop, she get’s this scared, worried look on her face. I know I can’t put words into her mouth, but I can almost hear her think…"Oh no, here she comes again. Why does this woman always buy 5 loaves of bread? It will definitely cause a cue and it makes me stressed. Doesn’t she know that all normal people just buy one loaf at the time?"

We are different ...

As an MK (Missionary Kid) I can remember wanting to just blend in especially during furlough. I didn’t want to be different, I didn’t want to stand out, I wanted to be NORMAL.  

It brings a smile to my face when I think about that day in the village. I can’t quite remember what we were celebrating, but we had a party and of course people were dancing, because after all what is an Albanian party without dancing?! I was so proud of myself for joining in. I was the only foreigner among them and I thought I was doing so well. I got all the steps down and was able to keep up. Until at one point the guy next to me looks at me and says; ‘It doesn’t matter Joni, you’ll learn …’  

We are different …

Eduard does the dishes and looks after the kids when I am out of the house. I drive the car to and from the village (I remember the time when all the boys came and watched me turn the car around). Our kids don’t go to the local school …

We are different … 

We do try to fit in in the Albanian culture as well as we can. The greatest compliment they can give me is that they think I’m Albanian (they usually think I’m an Albanian who has lived outside of the country for a while, because of my accent). To be honest I think most of our Albanian friends would agree that we fit in pretty well. We can speak the language, we do the traditional visits and we know that we are supposed to wish them a happy wedding for their kids as we raise our glass. 

But even so, in the end we are different. 

We are green. Let’s say our home culture represents the colour blue and the hosting culture represents the colour yellow. What do you get when those two meet? That’s right: A whole different colour, a whole different ‘normal’: green. 

My prayer is that the people around us can see past the cultural differences and that they can see that there is something else that is different about us. If you read Ephesians 4:20 in Dutch, it says: but you are different, you have gotten to know Christ! I love that kind of different! I’m so happy that different can be positive.

Absolutely Fuming

Sometimes things go smoothly, sometimes they don't. Every day, people go through different circumstances and we all cope with them in different ways. Often we have no idea of the extent of those in the lives of others just like they often don't know what's going on in ours!

The greetings we use every day make me laugh. "How are you?", with the standard responses being "Fine" or "Good thanks". It's the same here in Tanzania, when you greet (which you do during the first 5 minutes of every conversation!) in Kiswahili the response is either "Nzuri" or "Salama" ... basically "Good"!

Recently I was talking with a friend about this quote (below) that has been floating about on and off on Facebook for the last few months. How true it is ... but how easy is it to "Be kind. Always."?

Earlier this week I had a conversation with someone, first thing in the morning and without even giving me a chance to say 'Hello', they more-than-ranted about something that wasn't even any business of theirs and made me feel awful, really wound up and frustrated. 

I would like to say that I was the perfect Christian missionary wife and mum, forgiving and understanding. Quick with a word of encouragement. But I'm only human! I had to drive across town straight afterwards and would be lying if I didn't say I was absolutely fuming the whole way there and the whole back! In fact, I'm surprised that there wasn't smoke coming out of my ears, I really was THAT mad!

Remembering the quote above. I took time to consider all that the person in question is going through at the moment. While I don't condone their behaviour, I understood a little bit why they acted the way they did. I also came to the conclusion that anger breeds anger ... they had made me mad after all. Forgiveness and understanding would be a much better reaction (requiring super-human powers) and besides I wasn't going to let them ruin my day.

Just because people are Christians doesn't make them perfect. I know those looking in on the Christian community are often quick to criticise when people they expect to act without fault, mess up ... or just 'act human'! We're all a work in progress and sometimes it is harder to react in a godly way than others ... but in the meantime just remember, everyone is fighting a battle you may never even know about, don't be quick to judge (or fume), be kind.

Still Processing ...

For those of you who read this regularly, you may have noticed I have gone a bit quieter than usual.

Last week we had some BIG news that ultimately changes the role of MAF here in Tanzania and won't require the services of the Beckwith family (and many others) to continue. The impact of this for us and those we live and work with is HUGE and as a result there is a lot to think about.

Most (but not all) of the MAF Dodoma team

When we came to Dodoma, we had expected to spend 8 years here (our minimum commitment to MAF). We prepared with that in mind. We invested a lot of time, effort and money with that focus before we came and have tried to settle well with a long term goal in mind. Now it feels like we have been thrown a real curve ball and it's taking a while for full impact of that to sink in.

One verse that has meant a lot to us as a family this week is from Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." Sometimes these two things are more different than we can imagine. We were thorough in our preparations, we had the roller-coaster of releasing our container, the even longer wait to get a car and while we've enjoyed life since we set foot in Tanzania, to be fair, we only just got to the really happy balanced, things are ticking along quite nicely phase in the last couple of months. Clearly God has other ideas for our future though!

Later this month we will celebrate our first (and what we now know, will be our only) anniversary here in Tanzania as a family. We may have only been here a year but with the long term goal in mind we have also invested heavily emotionally in what we had thought would be the home for us for the foreseeable future and so it is heartbreaking to think that we won't be here to celebrate any more anniversaries.

We are not bitter or angry about the situation, we totally agree with the decisions that the management of MAF have been making with regards to the programme and it is tough for everyone involved from top to bottom that this is the situation. 

While moving internationally again was most definitely not on my 'To Do' list again for this year, it is there on my list nonetheless ... and so already while there is nothing set in stone yet, we have much to get our heads around. On the plus side, it has been a privilege for me to have been able to share my beloved Dodoma with Mark and the girls for a considerable amount of time. Now the memories we have will be those we have made together and not just my own stories from long ago!

Right now though the emotions are still fresh and they come in waves, some are easier to ride than others. There are also so many questions that are occupying whatever brain power I have left from normal family life here in Tanzania ... here are just a few ...

• Which MAF programme will we go to now?
• When will we go?
• How will we go?
• What will we take with us?
• How will we take it with us?
• What should I give away?
• Who should I give it to?
• Will we fit in home assignment that we were due later this year?
• Will Abigail finish the school year here?
• Where do we want to visit in Tanzania before we leave?
• When can we do that?
• What will happen to the other MAF staff?
• Will my house mama find work elsewhere?
• What about the friends we will all leave behind?
• ...

So, while I take my time to wade through the endless possible answers to each question, start working on the details of the bits I am able to ... and just work up the energy and enthusiasm to move again (something which I only just feel like I'm beginning to recover from, from last time!) ... I may be a little quieter than normal. 

I'm still here ... but for now I'm still processing!

My Anthem

There are few things going on right now that are taking up a lot of my emotional/will/brain power. Times like this can easily frustrate. They can leave you grumbling and miserable. 

Or not. 

Not that I get things right all the time ... I know I don't. At this point in time, the only reason I'm feeling level-headed and peaceful is that instead of running from God, getting wound up about things, I've been running towards him.

I may be a 'missionary' and as a family we are often perceived (incorrectly) as having a hotline to God. But just like anyone else, life can often keep me from quality time and relationship with my main source of power and strength.

Over the last couple of weeks I have consciously tried to redress that balance, knowing that without prioritising God right now, I wouldn't be able to get through whatever was going to be thrown in my direction. 

The peace and calm that has been the result, the feeling like whatever happens I (and we as a family!) can get through it, is certainly not coming from me. My source of strength rocks!

I love Mandisa and her newest album and title song is slowly becoming my anthem right now! Click on the link to see and hear it (the words are below!). As a rule I don't dance, but this makes me want to bounce and party however I'm feeling!

Mandisa - Overcomer

Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T Mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing's really going right
Looking for a ray of hope

Whatever it is you may be going through
I know He's not gonna let it get the best of you

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You're not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds You
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

Everybody's been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Oh, you're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget
Hang on to His promises
He wants You to know

The same Man, the Great I am
The one who overcame death
Is living inside of You
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There's nothing He can't do
He's telling You

Sanity Saver

This month's guest post comes from a missionary mum right here in Dodoma. Naomi Jones and her husband are here serving with SIM (Serving in Mission) Australia and are originally from Melbourne. While Andrew is involved in Entrepreneur Training, Naomi is using her background in Family Psychology in both school and hospital settings. They have four children. Today Naomi shares how to survive the sometimes hard slog of being a missionary and a mum here in Dodoma!

I have lived here in Dodoma, Tanzania with my husband and 4 children for almost eighteen months now.  Amongst the many pieces of helpful information I was given before we came (and again on arrival) was that if we wanted to stay even a little sane while on the mission field, we needed to bring some of our hobbies with us.

It felt like obvious advice at the time; of course we would try to fit into our daily schedules time for leisure/fun/relaxation as we had always done. But on arriving here the truth began to settle. Life in Tanzania can often feel like a “hard slog” and lots of daily tasks are time consuming and tedious. This, combined with the very real and endless needs of the people around us, can sometimes make leisure time and associated activities feel a little too decadent. 

I began by assessing my options. My “sanity saver” of choice has always been exercise; surely a simple activity to pursue in Dodoma I hear you say? Well not exactly! Swimming was ruled out first. The nearest “lap” pool is out of town and too far away to visit in between work and school commitments. The local hotel boasts a gym on it’s website which I was quite excited about until I saw it in the flesh. Not so much as a gym as a room with some old equipment lying around waiting to be repaired. Exercising outdoors is do-able if you don’t mind the (usually unwanted) attention, the uneven surfaces and the inescapable heat factor. Fast losing inspiration, I was spurred on by friends and family at home who reminded me how much enjoyment I used to get from these activities back home. At that point, I mustered up some courage, put aside my inhibitions and made do with what Dodoma had to offer!

I can truly say now, that exercise has acted as a “transition object” for me in the time we have been here. It is something familiar and predictable in a place where not much else is. When life feels overwhelming, I know that I can count on running to give me the usual endorphin rush, or on walking up a mountain to give me the same sense of peace that it always has. I believe that God wants us to engage in the activities that we love and that are “life-giving” while we are here on the mission field, without feeling guilty. Sure, it is a more challenging task at times, and sometimes it may even involve asking others for help with say, childcare, but at the end of the day it is truly worth it!

Published Author

I think I've shared once before that one of the things on my bucket list is to write a book! This Christmas, in a roundabout way, my husband has helped that dream to become a reality!

While I haven't sat down and put 'pen-to-paper' with any of the million ideas I have for an 'actual' book. Believe me there are so many ideas but with two little ones and no time to actually act on them, for the time being, this is most definitely the next best thing!

Mark used a website to have my blog posts made into a book from the beginning, the very first post and gave them to me as a Christmas present. Two volumes, one for each full year that I've been writing 'The Missionary Mum', with the potential to continue in the years to come.

I love that my husband can surprise me with great presents that I don't expect. I love that I now own two books that I have written, even if I am the only person to own copies of them. Living here in the middle of Tanzania, presents like this are like gold dust! It may even give me the incentive to start putting some of my other ideas together into something a little bit more solid too!

I shared earlier this week how things are up in the air for us at the moment. That doesn't stop the day-to-day stuff (nothing can stop that unfortunately!) or keep me from striving to achieve goals and dreams, even if it is with baby steps. It keeps me thinking ahead and not dwelling on the uncertainties of the here and now ... as that could be a little depressing. It doesn't mean that I am living in a dreamworld unaware of what's going on, I'm just trying to make the most of it in the meantime and trusting that God has my back!

Theory and Practice

With just a two days of 2013 to go I can't believe how much has happened for us as a family since this time last year ... or even the last few years! This week Naomi celebrated her third Christmas and each of those have been on a different continent. Life has certainly not been boring for us!

In many ways our lives are a big adventure but from now on things are set to become relatively mundane and not quite so exciting ... at least that's what we hope anyway! When we moved here, we had hoped that it would be for at least 4 years but most probably for the whole 8 years we have committed to MAF. As a family (and even as a couple) this would be the longest we've lived anywhere together! Crazy but true!

In theory it will us be a chance to really get into our groove, which we've only just hit in the last couple of months! It will be a chance to really get involved in the community. It will be a chance for us all to get settled in our home and open it up to others, knowing that we won't be moving on anytime soon. It will be a chance for our girls to spend their childhoods in one place. It will be a chance to live life in the guaranteed sunshine! It doesn't promise to be easy, limited resources, far from family, an ever-changing ex-pat community, no respite from the heat! However it really feels like home to us now, for how long though, we are yet to see.

Everything can be mapped out in theory, but in practice it can work out a lot differently!

Things change unexpectedly out here. Friends of ours are packing up to leave in a few weeks and move to South Sudan ... their plans are most definitely up in the air right now. For us things are also on hold at least until the end of January. The future of the MAF Tanzania programme is currently under negotiation and we won't know until then which way it will move forward and whether that will or won't include us as a family.

While a lot of people will be thinking about News Years resolutions right now and how they are going to start 2014 off on the right foot, perhaps tweaking some things or drastically changing others, my family will have to wait just that little bit longer. 

We hope and pray that our 2014 will be right here in Tanzania well and truly getting into that groove but only God knows right now what it will look like. I'm glad that we trust one who has already got it all worked out on our behalf. While some people think that is a huge risk, I know that with him in control we will be able to work our way through whatever this next year will bring. We got through this last one which was was a rollercoaster in itself! We'll just have to wait another month after everyone else before we work out what (if any) resolutions/changes we want to make!

Christmas Cards

Do you like Christmas? Do you like writing Christmas cards? I have to admit a big YES to both! I realise I may well be in the minority on both counts but I don't care!

I love the festive feel of this time of year ... although admittedly in Dodoma you really have to work hard to get it! I love the opportunity to spoil people with gifts, meals and fun times. I love being able to connect with more people that you would at other times of the year through cards and chances to meet up and celebrate. I love the reason behind it all!

As a family we haven't sent out Christmas cards for a while, what with moving last year and other reasons in previous years, it hasn't been something we have been able to achieve. This year though, I took the advantage of the cheap Tanzanian postage (to post to the UK from here is cheaper than posting a second class letter within the British Isles!) and had an absolute ball writing several hundred cards! Even Mark thinks I'm a little bit crazy but he loves me anyway!

Yes, I'm totally mad but I love it for lots of reasons ... here are just a few! 

Firstly, we wouldn't be here, doing what we're doing without the backing, prayers and support of family, friends, churches and even some people who are complete strangers to us, who all make it possible. We don't take that support for granted and wanted to show our appreciation, even if it is in a very small way.

Secondly, while we're so far from home and haven't been able to catch up with people properly for several years now, it is just a small way to keep the connection going. As I write each piece of snail mail we send, small happy memories flash through my mind of times we have spent together with each and every person!

Thirdly, with each card I write, I usually pray for the recipients. Not in a 'holier than thou' way but it's just a chance to remember each person and their current situation and to bring them before someone who cares SO much about them! We are so regularly prayed for by others, it's a chance to return the favour!

Fourthly, however modern and high-tech our world is becoming, I'm definitely of the opinion that there's nothing better than receiving snail mail however old-fashioned that might seem. It always puts a smile on my face and I like being able to put smiles on the faces of others too, even if it is more time consuming and needs to be budgeted for!

The frustrating thing with sending post from Dodoma is that a certain percentage of letters are almost guaranteed not to get through but it isn't a reason for me not to try! If you know us or support us, sometime in the next few weeks or months (or maybe even already) you should receive some mail from Tanzania. If you don't, we either don't have an address or it was one of the unlucky cards that didn't get through. Know that we care about you anyway and/or get in touch with your contact details! 

Give to Receive?

As we draw near to Christmas there is an increasing emphasis on gift giving, in some people's eyes the bigger and more expensive the better, in others it's the thought that has gone into it that is more important. Either way there are gifts flying back and forth between friends and families at this time of year!

Something that I have been asked many times from friends since we had munchkins is 'Are we just giving to the children?' meaning 'Are we exchanging for each member of the family or will presents for the kids suffice?' ... I have even heard more and more often 'Are we doing gifts this year?', translate that as 'If you can't be bothered than neither can I, but if we're both OK with that, it doesn't matter'! 

Do we give gifts only because we're expecting something back in return? Is it because we feel uncomfortable receiving something if we can't also give in exchange? Is it a cultural thing? Do we have to give and receive something of equal value for it to be an acceptable present?

Having moved around a lot over the last few years, getting to know new people in different locations and cultures, I recall a few conversations I've had, where someone was giving me information about another family including this choice nugget ... 'we've had them round for a dinner a couple of times but they never invited us back, so we've given up now'. More recently someone said to me 'I think it's probably our turn to have you round, isn't it?'. 

These conversations show an expectation that if we make the effort to have someone to our house, they should also invite us ... and then if they don't invite us in return, there is a limit to how many times we are willing to show this unreciprocated hospitality! Again, maybe this is a cultural thing. Is it only acceptable to pursue a friendship if we receive as much as we give? 

As a family we like to give people gifts, we like to treat people, we like to make them feel special. We don't always get it right (nobody's perfect!) and there are times that we are unable to do everything we want to for various reasons but one thing we don't expect is that we have to be matched or reciprocated ... we do it for one reason and one reason only ... because we enjoy it and the other people are always worth it! 

Gifts come in many forms, presents, meals, childcare, time, listening, we're always on the lookout for what, where and who we can 'treat' but usually do it so far under most people's radars that not many of those around us have the opportunity to notice what we're up to. We hope we're passing this onto our girls, so that they grow up with open eyes to look out for others in this way too!

Giving is an integral part of Christmas. The ultimate Christmas gift arrived in the form of a baby ... in the most extravagant present, all those years ago! It was one of those gifts given with no expectations whatsoever, just the hope that we would accept it. Sometimes it really is that simple!

What DO you do?

Recently I have been asked several times what exactly I do out here in Tanzania. We're with MAF. Mark fixes the planes. So how do I spend my time?

I have been asked via email by people we don't know but who follow our news. I have been asked by friends that I used to hang out with while we lived in the States. I was even asked by new friends out here who don't live on our side of town. 

I think the assumption is that I don't do very much ... maybe just shop for food, cook it and look after the kids. I don't even have to clean as we have a Mama who comes in to do that. One lady here in Dodoma asked me if I was bored or lonely living on a compound with only one other family. Yeah right!!

I used to think much the same when I lived here before, that the MAF wives were 'busy doing nothing'! Just this last week I've had several different people asking me to do things for them and while I always try to help out, I've had to say no ... I just don't have the time at the moment!

I've shared before what I get up to out here for MAF and within the family in general terms. But I thought it would be interesting just to list what I have been doing, both for myself and for those of you who were wondering, what exactly it is that I do do out here! None of it is mind-blowing, none of it is particularly difficult, none of it is that different to what any other mum out here (or back home for that matter!) would do in a normal week ... it is just the nitty gritty of my life!

So here goes, just some of the things I have got up to over the last 8 days ...

• Shopping trip to the market
• Written a couple of cards to friends
• Played jigsaws and board games with the kids
• Watched a couple of movies and a few episodes of different TV series on DVD
• Went to church
• Did hospitality 4 times, twice because we had to for MAF and twice because we chose to
• Went swimming twice (once on my own, once with the family)
• Spent a couple of hours at the school taking photos and started editing them
• Shopping to some of the duka's
• Compiling the MAF Tz programme weekly news bulletin
• Kept up to date with emails (ish!)
• Had a Skype call/meeting with the current MMS Apprentice Wives group
• Did four lots of exercise
• Taught Naomi to play snap
• 5 loads of washing
• Fell asleep reading my book every night!!
• Wrote the agenda for a meeting, took notes in the meeting (which took place in the compound of a local mosque), wrote up the minutes
• Went out for lunch once
• Did the school run on the MAF bus three times
• Tried a couple of new recipes
• Listened to Abigail doing her daily reading for school
• Updated 2 different Facebook pages
• Arranged and supervised a couple of playdates
• Baked for and co-hosted a staff prayer meeting at our house
• Caught up with some friends
• Updated three pages on the school website
• Went to a Bible Study
• Had one afternoon siesta
• Learnt some new Swahili words
• Arranged a couple of meetings for over the next few weeks
• Started our online Christmas shopping

You might be under the impression that life is very different out here as a missionary but so much of it is just 'normal' everyday, mum stuff (just in a different setting, climate and sometimes a different language!) ... sorry if I have shattered any illusions you might have but this is a snapshot of the reality!!

The Best Thing

This month's guest post is from another missionary mum and MAF wife, Sarah Newnham, living in East Africa (like me!), but this time in Kampala, Uganda. Sarah and her husband, also Mark, went through the MMS programme in Ohio just like we did and have already completed the required 8 years service with MAF following that. I'm pleased to say they have chosen to continue their service with MAF. We had the chance to meet them/hang out with them/pick their brains (!!) with their eldest 2 children a few years ago when they revisited the MMS programme. Today she shares some thoughts living on the mission field both as a child herself and as a mother. You can read their family blog here.

I am a Missionary Mum but I am also an MK (missionary kid). I think we are often misunderstood and no one fully understands where we are coming from, except other MK’s. One thing that can usually be said about us is that we grow up with transition and the feeling that no one place is quite ‘home’. At the age of 22, I had lived in around 30 houses.

So in 2000, just a year after getting married, when Mark & I began our journey into missions I think I envisaged that life would continue to be one of transitions. That was OK. I enjoyed going to new places, meeting new people and travelling and after all, the other name for MAF is ‘Move Again Friend’! 

We lived in Ohio, USA for three years while Mark trained as an aircraft engineer and we then began serving with MAF in Uganda in 2005. I really thought that after a few years we would be moving on to a new location, but here we are eight years later, still living in Uganda. 

Why? The simple answer is that this is where God wants us to be and we don’t yet feel he is asking us to move. However, there are several reasons and this lack of transition has not always been easy for me to deal with. I am an MK/third culture kid after all … moving is what I am good at. The thought of moving home, particularly to another country, may fill most of you with fear and anxiety but I find it quite exciting. 

Several years ago, we were offered the opportunity to move. I would have loved to go, as the post on offer would have taken us to the country where my parents were serving as missionaries. How wonderful it would be to live near my mum and dad but Mark was not ready for all the new role would entail. How I willed it to be different and yet, deep down I knew I had to accept what was best for Mark. He needed to gain more experience here in Uganda. 

One of the best things that has come out of living in Uganda is that this is where two of our children come from. Mark & I were unable to have our own children and God blessed us with two amazing children that we have adopted here. Amy & Joshua are now 7 and 6 years old. Just last year we had a biological child, Abigail. They are each miracles in their own way but that is another whole story in itself! 

While I cope well with transition, we have one child in particular who does not. I may struggle to think of anywhere as ‘home’ but this is most definitely ‘home’ for Amy & Joshua. Uganda is the country they come from, the only place they have ever lived and it has become clear to us how important it is for them in building their identity that they know something of this beautiful country and culture for themselves. They are one of the reasons we have not moved on. 

There are times that it seems like a sacrifice for me to stay in one place but I realise that God is doing it for a couple of reasons ... 

It is the best thing for my whole family right now. As a mum, I want what is best for my children and right now that is stability. God wants what is best for us and a happy/well adjusted family will last far longer on the mission field. 

It is the best thing for me. I have realised that it is tough staying in one place. It is simply easier for me to be the one who moves on to new places and challenges but staying put and being the one left behind is hard for me. I have had to say many good byes to close friends and colleagues this year. I still grieve at times but God wants me to grow in this area of trusting him when I am the one left behind. The experience is drawing me closer to the One who remains the same and is always there, Jesus, and I am thankful for this season of my life in which God is teaching me to make transitions, in terms of building new friendships and finding new things to do even when I am still in the same location.

The "Long-Term" Missionary

Today I want to introduce you to a friend that I have got to know since returning to Tanzania. Rachel Morgan works for SIL translating the Bible here in Dodoma, in the Rangi language. (In fact, her offices are right next door to our house!) She is from America, married to an Englishman, they have a gorgeous 3 year old son who is from Taiwan and they all live and work as missionaries in Tanzania. A truly international family! Rachel is a self-proclaimed blog stalker but doesn't write one of her own. Today however I managed to convince her to write a post for me!

The single most challenging thing I face as a missionary is the constant flux of people who come in and out of my life. I have been a missionary in Tanzania for almost 6 years and that is definitely considered a “long term” missionary where we live. I can’t even count the number of close relationships that I have developed in those 6 years. However, sadly, most of those people are no longer living here in Tanzania and some are no longer missionaries. You are probably asking, “why are so many people coming and going.” I think the answer to that is that being a missionary is hard. It is hard being away from family and the culture you are familiar with. It is hard working with people who have a different worldview and language.

There are 3 types of missionaries:

1. Short-termers - These are the people who come for 2 weeks - 1 year. I enjoy this group of people as it adds a bit of flavor and social variety to the scene. These people I enjoy because they are so passionate about what they come to do and find it all such an adventure. These people are full of questions and I love showing them the ropes of culture and language. However, lately I find myself wondering whether or not I should invest in those friendships given they are going to leave.
2. Planned Career Missionaries - There are people who, for one reason or other aren’t able to stay long-term. This is the most challenging group of people for me. These are the missionaries who say they will stay for many years and then suddenly, they leave. The reasons for leaving are vast: illness, stress, broken relationships, challenges in working with national partners. These are the people that I go deep with fast and then end up feeling a tremendous loss when they leave. These people are committed to the work but circumstances change for them and they have to leave.
3. Long Term Missionaries - These are the people who stay for 5+ years. The interesting thing about this group of people is, that it's the people you don’t think will stay for a long time. Often this group of people struggle a lot up on arrival, but end up staying for a long time.

I am a self proclaimed extrovert. I absolutely love being with people and despise being alone. The challenge for me is the pain I feel when people leave. I keep telling myself I won’t get close to people unless they are long term but I never know if they will be.

Fortunately missionary friends are not the only friends I have, I also have a few very close Tanzanian friends. These relationships sustain me in a lot of ways. God provides for us with “family” when we don’t have our families near us.

I think it is important for friends and family back “home” to understand what their missionary friends feel about relationships. We love our friends back home, and yet we feel so far away from them. Cards, packages, and emails mean so much to missionaries.

To brighten their day, send an email of encouragement to your missionary friends. It will cross the distance and encourage them in so many ways!

Never Giving Up

This post is a little different than usual ... but I just couldn't help myself!

I can be a very determined person when it comes to puzzles and logic things ... never giving up until I've worked it out. Sad but true! So, a few months ago when someone challenged us with finding 30 books of the Bible hidden in a passage, I have to admit I didn't do anything off my 'To Do' list that afternoon and persevered even when I got frustrated, until I'd found them all! 

It honestly doesn't sound all that exciting does it? But if you're anything like me once you look at it, you won't want to give up until you've found them all ... and some are a LOT more obvious than others!! Enjoy ... (you may find it easier to print it out!)

This is a most remarkable puzzle. It was found by a gentleman in an airplane seat pocket, on a flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu, keeping him occupied for hours. He enjoyed it so much that he passed it on to some friends. One friend from Illinois worked on this while fishing from his John-boat. Another friend studied it while playing his banjo. Elaine Taylor, a columnist friend, was so intrigued by it, she mentioned it in her weekly newspaper column.

Another friend judges the job of solving this puzzle so involving that she brews a cup of tea to help her nerves. There will be some names that are really easy to spot - that’s a fact. Some people, however, will soon find themselves in a jam, especially since the books are not necessarily capitalised. Truthfully from answers we get, we are forced to admit it usually takes a minister or scholar to see some of them at the worst. Research has shown that something in our genes is responsible for the difficulty we have in seeing the books in these paragraphs. During a recent fundraising event, which features this puzzle, the Alpha-Delta-Phi Lemonade booth set a new sales record.

The local paper, the Chronicle, surveyed over 50 patrons who reported that this puzzle was one of the most difficult they had ever seen. As Daniel Humana humbly puts it, “the books are all right here in plain view, hidden from sight”. Those able to find all of them will hear great lamentations from those who have to be shown. One revelation that may help is that books Timothy and Samuel appear without their numbers. Also, keep in mind, that punctuation and spaces in the middle are normal. A chipper attitude will help you compete really well against those who claim to know the answers. Remember, there is no need for a mass exodus, there really are 30 books of the bible lurking somewhere in these paragraphs waiting to be found.

SPOILER ALERT

OK, so it's a little over a week after I posted the challenge ... here are the 30 books of the Bible in the order they appear in the passage ... believe me, even knowing them doesn't necessarily make them easy to find! ;)

Amos, Mark, Luke John, Joel, Judges, Job, Hebrews, Esther, Acts, James, Ruth, Romans, Titus, Matthew, Genesis, Philemon, Chronicles, Daniel, Nahum, Hosea, Lamentations, Revelation, Timothy, Samuel, Numbers, Malachi, Peter, Exodus, Kings.

How did you do?

We Wait

Today I would like to introduce you to Ingrid, a fellow missionary mum. This mum is a little different from the other one's who have shared on the blog so far, as I have never actually met her. Like many other of my readers, she found The Missionary Mum while searching on the internet. She is married to a Brit, has two sons and they are currently preparing to move from New Zealand to work in the highlands of Papua New Guinea as a family. Right now they are in a time of waiting for visas, just like us. Ingrid also writes her own blog at Jeans and Pink Jandals. 

For many the call to the mission field is a call to sacrifice, isolation, hardship, blessing, faith, and patience. Some I know have prepared and waited years and years to go after they were called. Some wait for Government departments or visa’s for months, in our case for a pitiful 5 months and it feels like torture. December 2012, we were called. January 2013, we visited. February 2013, we were invited and said yes, and now we wait. 

We live in a state of limbo. Drawn to a place we want to be, a place we believe God wants us to be, yet still having to live our lives in the country we call home. And still we wait. Our mission agency policy isn’t to pay bribes, they feel called to be counter cultural to the corruption that exist within this developing country. And I agree, in theory, but in practise, I just want to get there. I don’t want them to pay bribes either, but this waiting is hard.

As we started this year, we were so full of excitement at what this year would hold, and after months of not hearing anything, and knowing this tick we are wanting from the government is only the first of many, the excitement is waning. Our expectations went from 8 weeks to get there, to months and months of excruciating waiting. Our friends who have been there, smile and tell us this is good training for life in a developing country, learning patience, understanding corruption, knowing nothing happens in a hurry. This is our training ground. 

With our call still fresh and our excitement waning, I searched in my concordance to seek what the Word of God said about the word ‘wait’. What I unearthed was food for a hungry soul and hydration for drying lips.

• Psalm 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! 
• Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! 
• Psalm 38:15 But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer. 
• Psalm 62:5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.
• Isaiah 40:31 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
• Habakkuk 2:3 For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.

Our call is to obedience, and as the Word says, we wait for the appointed time, we can trust as the LORD is the author of time. Just because we are to ‘fret not’, be patient and hope in Him, doesn’t make it easy, it only makes it do-able.

If you are a missionary mum and would also be interested in contributing an article, please contact me at beckwithsbigadventure@live.com

Photo Memories

Yesterday I was unpacking some more bits and pieces. There are only boxes with bits and pieces left now ... so it's becoming a much slower and sometimes very frustrating process!

What I stumbled across yesterday though, were some old photos of when I used to live and work here in Dodoma, as a single girlie with no hubby or munchkins! It was fun to flick through them and see places and some people that are once again becoming part of my daily life!

Today I was showing my House Mama some photos I'd taken of her and her family from back then. She was really interested to see them and pleased to find that I still had them and that they were special to me.

A bit more rummaging and I found a selection of photos that I was really interested to see. Those that were taken on the evening of my twenty-third birthday (see below).

Why you ask, were these particular photos of interest to me? After I'd moved back here with my family, certain things became more and more familiar to me ... including our house. 

After a couple of emails backwards and forwards to friends who used to live here with me before, I realised that I actually now live in the very house that I celebrated my twenty-third birthday in. So, the photos above were taken in my current living room all those years ago!! It all looks a lot different now! 

If you'd told me back then that I would be living in that same house thirteen years later with a MAF husband and two daughters, I probably would have laughed very hard. I have often found that God has a sense of humour though ... so he was probably laughing back then knowing what was to come!

Today we have got some of the current teachers coming round for dinner. Who knows if any of them will come back in thirteen years time and make this house their home too!!

Extra Special

Once or twice in your lifetime your path crosses with someone truly extraordinary. 

I consider myself lucky enough to say that 6 months before I was born, my family moved into a house next door to one of those extra special people and she has played a huge part in my life over the last 36 years. She has always been there for us and us for her.

Betty has been family to me ever since I can remember, she took me to Sunday School when I was just 2 years old and has prayed for me diligently ever since ... in fact I often 'blame' her for being where I am and doing what I'm doing right now (her prayers are that good!)!! With no blood family of her own, she has been part of our family for my whole life!

Sadly for us, this weekend she became one of heavens newest recruits.

To imagine life back in the UK without her, is to imagine something that doesn't seem possible. When you think of Betty you think of someone who just keeps going and going ... she was only a couple of years away from receiving a telegram from the queen on her birthday. She was a keen gardener and used to deliver flowers to and 'look after' her old ladies who were often a decade or two younger than her. The week before she died she was still in her garden and the day before, she went out to lunch with my mum at the local garden centre.

While she never left the UK (she didn't own a passport), in fact, she barely left the south east of England. Her prayers reached the ends of the earth. Not just for me and my family but also for several other missions and mission partners. Some of whom like me, as children went through sunday school with her as the teacher, something she did for decades teaching different generations within the same families. Leaving a legacy that goes way beyond words.

Yesterday trying to explain death and grief to Abigail who is not quite 5, was interesting. We were talking about Betty and when I told her that Betty was up in heaven with Jesus (which beyond any shadow of a doubt she is!), Abigail was quick to ask 'Is she happy?'. Without hesitation I replied that yes, she was very happy. Again Abigail was quick to respond with 'If she is happy than why are you sad? She's in heaven with Grammie, one day you will be there too and then I will join you and we'll all be together again.'

It is so simple really when you see it though a child's eye. But it doesn't make grieving for someone so loved any easier, especially at a time when as a family we're so far away. Heaven is rejoicing right now though as our loss is their gain ... and they most certainly gained an extra special angel in Betty!

Are We There Yet?

Today I want to introduce you to another great friend and Missionary Mum. I met Kristin when our husbands trained together at MMS Aviation. We arrived (and left) within a few months of each other. In many ways we are on the same journey and in other ways our stories are completely different. I am so grateful that our paths crossed when they did, we have shared lots of giggles as well as lots of struggles together and as Naomi's other fairy god-mother, I am pleased to say she will forever remain part of my life! Kristin, her husband and three sons are in the process of joining JAARS a mission based in North Carolina.

Are we there yet?

How many times have we heard that from our children as we travel down the road? Annoying, right? This time I find it’s me whining to my heavenly Father, “This is taking forever. When will we get there? I can’t stand it.” 

Eight months ago we finished our assignment at MMS Aviation. We were eager to get our hands dirty and put to use all that we had learned over our 3 years in Ohio. It was in our hearts to move our family to North Carolina and pursue service with JAARS, an organization that provides practical day to day support (aviation, land transportation, water transportation, information technology, and media) to Bible translators working all over the globe giving the Word of God to people in their own heart language. We prayed, sought wise counsel, and decided to go for it. 

Thus began the process… 

We found a house to rent and hurried back to Ohio to pack our things, cheerfully saying our goodbyes and boldly moving ahead. We set up house. Paul volunteered in the hangar for 2 months and I worked to settle the children and start back to homeschooling. We all began to make friends and find activities we enjoyed. Things were off to a good start. 

January brought another round of exams for Paul, 10 days of oral and practical examination to see if he has the skills to work effectively on the mission field. It was challenging and exhausting but Paul passed (only by God’s grace according to him) and we were offered an position here at the JAARS headquarters where he would start as a mechanic and eventually participate in research and development projects that would utilize his previous aerospace and mechanical engineering experience. Sounds great, right? 

On to the next step… 

Full time missionaries working in aviation at JAARS are expected to join a mission organization, specifically Wycliffe Bible Translators. That means going through a process that includes written applications, interviews for both us and the children, budget projections, administrative details and lots of decision making. We began in February and signed as members of Wycliffe in early May. 

What that means is… 

Now it is June. In August, we will begin a time of training and partner development with Wycliffe that can last for up to two years. The rule is for us to work on that exclusively. This potentially means no airplanes for Paul for the next 18 months. It means Paul working from home with all of us doing school at home. We think it will mean time apart as Paul travels to see our supporters alone. We also think it will mean travel and school on the road together with two teenagers and a very talkative eight year old. Can anyone say “Aaaahhhhggggg”… 

Here’s another sticky detail. Throughout the process, our monthly financial support has been at least $1,000 shy of meeting our needs and yet we have not gone into debt and we are not begging for bread. Wow, right? 

So this is our way forward, narrow and “pinchey” as it may be. Would I choose it? Of course not. But I will walk it, with God’s grace and help. 

May I share with you what has become my life verse? “So work with fear and trembling to discover what it really means to be saved. God is working in you to make you willing and able to obey Him.” Philippians 2:13 (CEV) 

As He is faithful, may we be found faithful - regardless of the hurdles, regardless of the time investment, regardless of the questions.

Riding a Rollercoaster

I LOVE roller-coasters! The adrenalin, the thrill! In fact, I usually just get a fit of the giggles and have tears running down my face by the end of it!

I have a hunch that the littlest munchkin will follow in my footsteps as she's already proving to be a bit of a thrill seeker!

Embarking on the missionary lifestyle can sometimes feel like a bit of a roller coaster ... but not always one of the thrill seeking, giggling variety! You can be obedient to the call, follow the path and it can still twist and turn in ways that you can never be prepared for.

This week for example, we received news that our container is on it's final leg of a very long journey. To describe the process as a battle, would be an understatement. Every single step of getting it released since it arrived in Tanzania has been fought for on our behalf. As I've shared before bureaucracy here is a little different to what we're used to, especially when it comes to issuing visas!

Even this week, when we thought it was all finally going to be sorted, we have had some of the biggest ups and downs to cope with! 

On Monday, we were told the container was loaded onto a truck to bring here. An hour or so later we were told it was just being taken to a warehouse and wouldn't be released until Mark had his visa ... something we had just gone through a whole process to avoid. To say we felt numb and sick when we received that email and thought we were back to square one would definitely be an understatement. Three VERY long hours later we were told it was a mistake and we'd been misinformed and everything was still good for delivery.

On Tuesday, we were told it would be leaving within the next 24 hours. Only to be told later on that we still had to pay an additional 1.2 million Tanzanian Shillings before it was released. Again, somebody somewhere was misinformed and that was not the case!

Today, Wednesday, we trust that it has started making it's final journey here although to be fair, until we see it, we're not going to believe it! When we do, I have no idea how I will react. Tears of relief, tears of joy? Who knows?!

When you've entrusted all your worldly goods to total strangers, it becomes quite personal when there are issues with the processing of it. Yes, possessions aren't everything and the contents of that container aren't overly special but they are ours and they mean something to us.

You can imagine the emotions that we faced this week, especially on Monday when we thought we had to start all over again. It hit us to the core, we may be missionaries but we are also human. It caused us to question everything from 'Are we in the right place?', 'Are we doing the right thing?', 'Why when we've invested so much into this, is this happening to us?' to 'With so many people praying for us, does God really answer prayer?', 'Shall we just pack up and go home?'. It was pretty awful there for a couple of hours. Talk about stressful!

We've been here five months now, our visas are no closer to being processed, Mark is still has no closer to being allowed to sit for his TCAA licence, there is no suitable car available for us to buy and our container is yet to join us. Yet we KNOW God is bigger than all of this ... even if at certain times on certain days, when we're far from home and the familiar, it's been a lot harder to believe! 

I guess it's all part of riding the roller coaster of missionary life ... and we have no intention of getting off that ride just yet!

Settling in School

Tomorrow is the last day of term here at Abigail's school, CAMS here in Dodoma. Her last day in the Reception class.

The photo below shows the Early Years Centre (EYC) where the nursery and reception classes are based. The right hand side reception class building is new since I was last living and working here. It's really nice that the younger children have their own little area with separate playground.

Abigail started going to school just 48 hours after we arrived in Dodoma, at her request and has loved everything about it ever since. To the point where, when she really wasn't well one day, she was determined to go into school and still has a clear record with no days absent.

Today Abigail got her first ever school report and as well as listing all her achievements, she was described as being

'A polite and helpful student who always works diligently to complete work to the best of her ability.'

Moving children across the world can be one of the downsides of the missionary lifestyle, you just never know how it's going to go, you can just hope and pray they will be able to adjust and that as a parent you can make it as easy and understandable as possible. Having had a rough couple of months and lots of cranky behaviour between leaving the States and arriving in Tanzania, nothing could have made me and Mark happier than the fact that not only did she want to go straight to school but that she settled in really well and has absolutely thrived on it. Her reading has literally exploded in just a few short months as well as so many other things.

Every morning she has got on the bus at 7.20am and hasn't returned until about 12.20pm, five days a week. They are long hours when you're little and not used to it and I won't lie and say it's always been easy. There have been times when she has been absolutely exhausted (and grouchy) and a couple of days a week has even resumed her afternoon sleep just to cope with it all. 

Abigail's really looking forward to the holidays now ... and for the first time in her short little life has even said she's looking forward to the lie-ins!!! Something else that her mummy and daddy hope to be grateful for! If only she could convince her little sister of the same thing!

Just Like Everyone Else

It's a common misconception that missionaries or those that work in the church are super spiritual, Holy Joe's with a hotline to our Heavenly Father and the ability to discern much more clearly what God is saying in every situation.

I am here to testify that it really just isn't the case. We're no different from anyone else ... bumbling on with the day-to-day stuff. Whether that be work, bringing up children at home or everything in between.

There is no higher plain of communication that we have reached for both talking and listening to God or for understanding the Bible. We are still surrounded by the same distractions that keep us away from spending time working on our relationship with God. In fact, sometimes it feels like a few more have been thrown in our path to keep our minds on other things!

The truth is that no matter who we are or what path we are walking, as with any friendship, time and effort is involved to deepen a relationship. The decision to put that effort in is up to the individual.

In the last 5 years, moving across the world a couple of times and having two small children, amongst other things, I know that my time nurturing the special relationship, that should really have been given my first priority, has not always been afforded it's rightful place. In fact, sometimes when I have been able to fit it in, it's felt more like a chore than something enjoyable and I'm sure I'm not the only one ... if you're really honest with yourself.

Determined to make a difference, I had a look on Amazon to find a book or two to give me some inspiration and something I could instantly download onto my Kindle rather than paying for postage out here and waiting for weeks to see if it would actually arrive.

It was there that I stumbled upon a Jen Hatmaker book called A Modern Girl's Guide to Bible Study. If you are living in the States you may have heard of her recently, after one of her blog posts went viral, Worst End of School Year Mom Ever. She was even interviewed on the Today Show as a result!

It was SO easy to read. I got through it in just a few days. It is not a theological masterpiece. It is real. It is accessible. It makes you believe that connecting with the Bible and with God isn't as complicated as it can so often appear ... or is made out to be, by many well meaning sermons or books. 

How often do we try to learn about how to do it, rather than roll up our sleeves and actually get down to business? Jen Hatmaker, herself writes ... 

'It is possible to learn a great deal about the Bible while barely spending any personal time connecting with it.'

Her aim is to get you to do just that, to fall in love with the Bible and God, equipping you with the skills that will last a lifetime and while I have to admit I was more than a little skeptical, I was willing to give it a go. At the end of the book is a 'Study Guide' to get you into a groove before embarking on your own private study. 

While I am still working my way through the study guide, I can honestly say my opinion and outlook when it comes to Bible study has changed so much ... and most definitely for the better. I can't wait to engage with another section of it, making it a priority over other things, getting so much more out of it and being amazed at how the time flies when I check my watch. And that's how it should be! 

The book was definitely a good buy and something that if you're stuck in a rut, looking for a different approach or just to be inspired anew in studying the Bible, I can't recommend it enough. It may not work for everyone but it most certainly did for me!