Being English

At the end of last year I read a book that opened my eyes, made me laugh (many times) ... and made me understand a little bit more about why I think the way I do! I can't even count the number of times that I wanted to read Mark extracts from it!

Are you English? Are you English and work with people from other cultures? Do you know anyone who is English? Then I can't recommend this book enough. It was suggested to me by an American friend who is married to someone English and I even think it was something that was mentioned as helpful to look at when we were at All Nations, for those living cross-culturally.

Anyway ... it is called Watching the English, it was written by an English anthropologist, who has spent a lot of time living in different cultures throughout her life. She was able to analyse the English culture, while also having an insiders view! Hilariously insightful and sometimes painfully accurate! Making me question why on earth we do some things and giving me an understanding why other things seem 'normal' to us and downright weird to others!

From pub-culture, to queueing, to how the different classes spend their money on weddings ... and of course the magical powers of a simple cup of tea, Kate Fox analyses and sometimes uses behaviour that is counter-culture just to test peoples reactions! 

Below are just a few of the extracts that put a smile on my face ...

"My queue-jumping experiments were the most difficult and distasteful and upsetting of all the rule-breaking field-experiments I conducted during the research for this book ... just the thought of queue-jumping was so horribly embarrassing that I very nearly abandoned the whole project rather than subject myself to such an ordeal."

"... when you examine English queues under a social-science microscope, you find that each one is a little mini-drama - not just an entertaining 'comedy of manners', but a real human-interest story, full of intrigue and scheming, intense moral dilemmas, honour and altruism, shifting alliances, shame and face-saving, anger and reconciliation." 

"Tea is still believed, by English people of all classes, to have miraculous properties. A cup of tea can cure, or at least significantly alleviate, almost all minor physical ailments and indispositions, from a headache to a scraped knee. Tea is also an essential remedy for all social and psychological ills, from a bruised ego to the trauma of a divorce or bereavement. This magical drink can be used equally effectively as a sedative or stimulant, to calm and soothe or to revive and invigorate. Whatever your mental or physical state, what you need is 'a nice cup of tea'" 

This last week I've had a couple of conversations about it with some other Brit friends ... hoping it can make you smile to!

Being Different

Today's post is a guest blog from one of my missionary mum friends, Joni Versteeg. I met Joni, her husband, Eduard, and their two oldest children (of which one was a new born at the time!) at All Nations, we were in the same Tutor Group. They are from Holland and are currently serving with International Teams in Albania. Joni was a missionary kid herself before becoming a missionary mum and so has a great understanding of living life, being 'different' in a new culture.

You may not know this, but if you are a missionary mom like me, you are green. 

I can’t stop thinking about the face of the lady in the bakery down the street. Every time she sees me walk towards the shop, she get’s this scared, worried look on her face. I know I can’t put words into her mouth, but I can almost hear her think…"Oh no, here she comes again. Why does this woman always buy 5 loaves of bread? It will definitely cause a cue and it makes me stressed. Doesn’t she know that all normal people just buy one loaf at the time?"

We are different ...

As an MK (Missionary Kid) I can remember wanting to just blend in especially during furlough. I didn’t want to be different, I didn’t want to stand out, I wanted to be NORMAL.  

It brings a smile to my face when I think about that day in the village. I can’t quite remember what we were celebrating, but we had a party and of course people were dancing, because after all what is an Albanian party without dancing?! I was so proud of myself for joining in. I was the only foreigner among them and I thought I was doing so well. I got all the steps down and was able to keep up. Until at one point the guy next to me looks at me and says; ‘It doesn’t matter Joni, you’ll learn …’  

We are different …

Eduard does the dishes and looks after the kids when I am out of the house. I drive the car to and from the village (I remember the time when all the boys came and watched me turn the car around). Our kids don’t go to the local school …

We are different … 

We do try to fit in in the Albanian culture as well as we can. The greatest compliment they can give me is that they think I’m Albanian (they usually think I’m an Albanian who has lived outside of the country for a while, because of my accent). To be honest I think most of our Albanian friends would agree that we fit in pretty well. We can speak the language, we do the traditional visits and we know that we are supposed to wish them a happy wedding for their kids as we raise our glass. 

But even so, in the end we are different. 

We are green. Let’s say our home culture represents the colour blue and the hosting culture represents the colour yellow. What do you get when those two meet? That’s right: A whole different colour, a whole different ‘normal’: green. 

My prayer is that the people around us can see past the cultural differences and that they can see that there is something else that is different about us. If you read Ephesians 4:20 in Dutch, it says: but you are different, you have gotten to know Christ! I love that kind of different! I’m so happy that different can be positive.

Life Skills

When preparing to move overseas on mission with a family there is SO much to consider and make sure you have made preparations for.

Visas, medicines, injections, contact addresses, appropriate clothing, language learning, the kind of culture you will soon be part of. The list really is endless!! Some of these things are just as relevant for short trips abroad but when you're committing to years of service or moving permanently to somewhere new, it is so much more involved.

Some missions have 'pre-field' training, some don't. Some people have theological training. Some study business models if helping with development. Some just come without studying at all!

I met my husband at All Nations Christian College. A Bible college, which specialises with 'Head, Heart and Hands' preparation all with a mission focus. All taught by tutors who have had experience in mission overseas, amongst students who have had varying levels of mission experience too.

We learned SO much there. Bible training, yes. Encouraged to grow spiritually, yes. But do you know which part has been of the most practical use ... the 'Hand' element, learning different life skills, things we take for granted because they are just available in the 'real world'. Photography and powerpoint for presentations and newsletters, basic dentistry, cross-cultural cooking, hairdressing, car maintenance ... and so much more. 

The day-to-day stuff was so useful and made me think a little bit out of the box when packing up to move too! Recently, I have been grateful for my knife block and my haircutting scissors. 

Meat gets presented to you in all shapes and forms, sometimes unidentifiable! Not pre-packed and cleaned with a label telling you exactly what it is ... sometimes it is a real guessing game, trial and error! I have to admit the quality of the meat that we've had has sometimes been better than what we could get in the UK and the States but my ability to deal with/cut up/prepare and cook different meats is really being stretched. I'm sure a beginners course in butchery would definitely be good preparation for life out here!

Having lived here for 7 months now, my hair has really grown. The nearest hairdresser is ... wait for it ... about 8 hours drive away!! So, this weekend I dug out my hair cutting scissors and got busy! The pile in the picture above was from 'Round 1' ... there were two more rounds after that! Grateful that my hair has a natural curl so that chip choppy cuts aren't too obvious, I was actually really pleased with myself once I finally stopped. My hair is a LOT shorter ... maybe even shorter than if I'd been to the hairdressers but it actually looks pretty good and I've had lot of compliments ... and surprised faces when I've admitted to doing it myself!!! (I didn't even do the hair-dressing course when we were at All Nations either!).

These are just two examples of the added extra's of life out here ... there are SO many. It certainly makes life interesting. You just have to take the attitude of giving anything a go. It may not always go quite as you imagine it will, but you have fun in the process and the learning curve is HUGE!

The Next Step

These last few weeks have been crazy busy ... can you even say that?!!

It's the school holidays, our container just arrived and I've been taking on a few extra roles while other MAF staff are home for various reasons. As my six months curfew or promise to my family is just about to expire, I find it hard how I can fit anything else into my time but I have already agreed to quite a big project recently too! (More details of that another time!)

Being able to finally unpack all our stuff and being super busy, really does make it feel like we've finally arrived and are settled. Just this morning I was at a friends house, catching up over a cup of tea while the kids all played together ... definitely not the actions of a newbie but of someone who is much more established!

I've mentioned 'transition' before and I know that the first six months anywhere are often the biggest hurdle to overcome but that it takes the first two years for somewhere to really become home. So, although we're getting there, as a family we still have a way to go!

During the unpacking I found some notes from one of my classes at All Nations. While I'm not someone to write poetry (like ever!), part of one assignment was to write a reflective poem on transition. Probably one of the only poems I've ever written since leaving school almost 20 years ago! 

Even now, after several more big moves across the world, I think it reflects well a lot of the details and emotions that are involved, some which are glaringly obvious and others not so much ... 

The Next Step

The plan, the excitement,

The next step and beyond.

Goodbyes,

Those final and those not for long.

Lives that continue,

But which you won't be a part.

New places, new faces.

Right decision, wrong decision.

Too late now!

Who am I? What do I do?

Where am I meant to be?

Information overload, people and facts,

Exhaustion threatens to overcome,

But push on through.

Making a friend, making mistakes,

Taking a risk,

Fascinated by all that's new,

But sometimes alone, longing for the familiar.

In time, knowing the faces and playing your role,

A routine and a purpose to fulfil.

Home again, yet in a different place,

Looking toward the next step.

Transition

Today I have a guest blog to share with you ... with a difference. Many missionaries work in situations where it is not always safe to reveal their identity or the true work that they are involved in and these situations they are in can change at moments notice. Studying at All Nations, I had the opportunity to make friends with people called to all types of mission work and today's guest post is from someone in this position. Both she and her husband are professionals in their own right and they have three boys under the age of 10. Here's is a glimpse into their past year which didn't go at all how they had planned.

All Nations Christian College

Transition is not a word I used much before preparing and going overseas. It’s one I’ve had a lot of reasons to think about over the past year especially. 

When we went out to South Asia with 2 children under 2, I knew that adjustments were going to be greatest for us adults. We left close family and friendships behind, we were used to certain freedoms and opportunities that now were not available, we were the ones who needed to get used to new routines involving purifying water, sterilizing fruit and veg before eating it, removing large spiders from very basic bathrooms before using them, and many other new experiences. Our boys mainly continued in a similar routine with Mum and Dad around them as before, it was just that the food got a bit spicier and the weather a whole lot warmer!

But 5 years later it was a different story. There was now a no. 3 who was toddler age, but all his life he had known a 3^rd adult in the house most of his waking hours – our hardworking and faithful house-helper who loved our boys to bits and took great care of them at the times we were both out at work.

Nos. 1 and 2 now had their own friends, local friends from preschool and school, and ex-pat friends we met up with for fellowship and fun times – like cooling off together in the heat at a local pool we had access to. This was their home. Our home, England, was just a place of visits and holidays, time out from the ordinary. For our children ‘ordinary’ was the colour and dust and bustle of a sprawling developing world city, ‘ordinary’ was having school closures for the next day announced at 11pm (on TV channels we didn’t watch!) due to unrest in the city, ‘normal’ was donkey carts and camels on the road alongside crowded public buses and smart shiny 4x4s of the city elite.

And then in the space of 2 weeks our world was turned upside-down by the cancellation of our visas and the instruction to leave. It was time to go through transition again, but this time there was very little time to prepare, and whilst we needed to help our boys through it we were in bits ourselves over what was happening.

Today as I write this it is a year to the very day since we received news that we had to leave the country we had grown to love. And three weeks ago we sold our house in a leafy London suburb to move to a very South Asian area just a few miles down the road, where we have seen God lead us over recent months. Moving house is said to be one of the most stressful things you can do – because, I think, it involves a lot of change and uncertainty. We certainly experienced some of that with this move. However, harder still for us was leaving what was our home in South Asia so quickly, and so against our will. Time for goodbyes was short, opportunities to do special things as a family one last time were very limited as we raced to sort, pack, sell and give away all we had. And returning to the UK with no plans, no hopes and nowhere permanent to live was a great example of how not to ‘do transition’ if you can possibly help it!

Alongside being a mum I’m also a GP. I’m used to hearing about a problem and formulating a plan, an approach to it. As a mum helping my boys deal with all the changes the past year has brought, I’ve learnt that there needs to be more than one treatment option – in fact each of us needs a personalised treatment plan in tough times like major change.

My eldest (8) I think found it the hardest – he had friends he’d known since he was 2, some really special friends, but at 7 as he was then you don’t really do much more than hug when you say goodbye. For a while he would get really upset, angry even, over little incidents, minor injustices between him and his brother, or him and the rest of the world, it all just hurt. And efforts to help him process sadness through drawing pictures (which he usually loves) or reviewing photos he refused to do – I think it was just too painful. Occasional chats about things we did or friends we had, as they were relevant to what we were doing, seemed an easier way to re-live those times for him. It felt a real breakthrough to hear him say just a month back how he’d like to go back and visit his friends one day – the first time he has expressed a desire to return.

No. 2 (then 5, now 6) actually really went for the picture drawing, he could go to those places and draw on the good times. He had most enthusiasm for sending a UK postcard to friends back in our city. But he too had his moments, an increase in the times he would overreact, breakdowns into uncontrollable sobs when things didn’t go his way. I found this a real challenge as a parent with very limited resources in the patience department at the time, still in my own wilderness.

And no. 3 (then 15 months, now 2yrs) who had always been secure, confident and a fantastic sleeper, became oh so clingy. It’s taken a good length of time for him to be happily without Mum and Dad, and in the first few months of frequent changes of location, staying in many different friends’ and family’s houses, he would often wake at strange times and need us around to settle him like never before. It took me a long time to see things from his perspective, to realise that his life had always involved 3 significant adults with our house-helper around as well, and suddenly she was gone. There had been no explanation that he could grasp, no gradual change, first she was part of his daily life and then she was gone. He missed her, I came to realise, and having lost her I could see why he would want to make sure Mum and Dad didn’t go too.

Transition. It’s been quite a year. Our recent house move is the 4^th major change of home in the past 12 months, but at least this time other things (like school) are staying the same, even if the nature of the area we live in have changed a lot, and the boys seem happy to be in our new home. They have come through many of the issues mentioned above. Nos. 1 and 2 love school and have gradually made good friends both their and in our new church. No. 3 adores the childminder he spends 3 mornings a week with and has great fun charging about with Indian, Pakistani and Somali children we mix with locally. I haven’t even touched on how I and my husband have dealt with all the change, I’ll just go so far as saying it’s ongoing – emotions and issues surfacing at times when the pressing needs of family life and new work and ministry in the UK allow it to.

And where is God in all this? I’ve not mentioned Him either. He’s been right in the middle of all the mess with us. I’m so glad our faith allows for God to be in mess and hurt, confusion, imperfection and uncertainty, and to understand it. It has helped me to recognise that Jesus experienced all this and more as he faced misunderstanding, disappointment and rejection throughout his earthly life. The scriptural idea of being aliens and strangers makes more sense when living as one on the move, with no fixed horizons for a while, and there have been valuable lessons to share with our boys from this part of our story. Together we have known what it is to call heaven our true home, together we have learnt more about trusting God when our plans, hopes and dreams have fallen apart, and together we are learning more about how he rebuilds us in a way that prepares us for wherever he takes us next. Transition and change can be challenging, for us and our children, but like everything else we can trust God to use it for our good.

Unexpected Culture Shock

Last month due to internet issues and a few other things we had no guest blog ... but it's back again this month with a friend who I haven't actually seen face-to-face for quite a few years now as we've both been living all over the world!

I first met Michaela in 1999, in Nairobi when she was part of on a short term mission trip that my mum was on and I was on my way to teach in Tanzania. In my second year in Dodoma, Michaela came out as a member of staff at the same school as me and we lived on the same compound. She also went on to study at All Nations but left the year before I started and then went on to work in Myanmar. She is now married with two beautiful little girls and another little munchkin on the way.

I have returned to Dodoma, somewhere familiar to me ... but living here with a family is very different to when I was young and single first time round. Michaela is now experiencing something similar too, except she is on a completely different continent to me once again!

My husband and I both come from large villages, we have Christian parents and are followers of Christ ourselves. But that is where the similarities end, for a start our villages are in different continents! My village is typically English; thatched cottages, village clock tower, his is in South East Asia with houses of bamboo and wood.

We met while I was teaching in his country and after we got married we continued to live in Myanmar.  After we found out I was pregnant we decided to return to England for the birth and ended up staying 3 years! Two children later and a third on the way, we decided to return to our life in Myanmar.

We were incredibly excited about returning! We have family and friends here. We own our apartment which was the first place we lived as husband and wife. We know how to get around; we know the language, in fact its home.  So the last thing I was expecting was to experience the level of culture shock I did!  Living in Myanmar this time was very different. The difference being, we now had two children under 3.

The thing I struggled with the most was what seemed to be a loss of my independence.  I was used to strapping my two girls into our Phil and Ted’s double buggy and walking to friends houses. I was used to putting them in their car seats and driving off to all manner of places. Suddenly getting to any place was a struggle!  We sold the double buggy before we left the UK knowing it would be too heavy to carry up 8 flights of stairs- yes we live on the 8^th floor and no lift. Instead we bought a small foldable push chair and a buggy board. 

And yet the paths are so pot holed, crowded with stalls and in complete disrepair and the curbs so steep that the buggy can only be used in the parks anyway. Then there’s getting to the parks. Firstly I need to carry a one year old, buggy, buggy board, change bag and hold on to a two and half year old down 8 flights of steep, dirty, concrete stairs. Then wait by the side of the road without losing a child, in temperatures of high 30 degrees C, while I flag down a taxi and haggle with the driver over the price. Once I arrive at the park I am hot and sweaty from having to restrain the one year old from climbing out the windows, no air con in these taxis so all windows are wide open, and I now have to pay foreigner rates.  Even though I married a local and our children are half Myanmar we are all still considered foreigners and so pay double what the locals do.  And of course then there’s the return journey but this time the two and a half year old probably wants carrying up the 8 flights and I’m 20 weeks pregnant!

So it became quite clear, quite early on that going out alone was no longer an option. This really took time for me to accept and was the reason for my culture shock. I had always wanted to look after my children myself and chose not to return to work but be a stay-at-home-mum instead. I enjoyed going out on our little adventures together, seeing where we’d end up, not worrying about someone else’s time schedule but just taking our time.  When I looked around at the ex-pats living here they all have nannies and home helps and drivers which didn’t surprise me but then I realized that all the locals have help too. Not hired help but family! I also have an amazing family here who are adored by my girls and who are ready and willing to help at any time and in anyway.  

There are times in all our lives when we need help. The trick is to acknowledge your need and ask for help or accept the help offered. I have come to realize that the support and help I receive is not failure on my part but a privilege and a joy as well as a necessity!

World Wide

Last week we were doing our last bit of official MAF training. Something we started 4 years ago when I was 7 months pregnant with Abigail! How time flies!

MAF have been amazing in the amount of preparation and time they put into each of their individuals and families that are going overseas. Our week was full of information and practical advice both about MAF itself and about living in a different culture.

Internet was elusive, as was phone signal ... and in some ways it was nice to be a little bit 'out of touch' with the real world but also ironic that once we get to Dodoma, contact will be much easier and more straight forward!

During the week we had the privilege of spending time with a few others who will also be heading out with MAF over the coming days weeks and months. It was great to be at a similar stage in the process of moving overseas as a few other people ... as we could relate to each other in a much more understanding way, even than those with the best intentions who aren't just starting service with MAF.

Below was our team, from England, Scotland, the Netherlands and Canada ... heading to work for MAF in the UK, Chad, Kenya, Tanzania and Uganda. No doubt you'll hear from the other two 'Missionary Mum's', over the coming months with a guest post here (if they agree!).

I find it totally mind blowing when I consider all the people that we have spent time with and trained with, either through MAF or before hand at All Nations. The impact of just our circle of friends on the world is staggering when I think about how many countries they are either from and/or are now living in ... working both in everyday jobs and within the missionary world, in every continent (except maybe Antarctica!!). We could probably visit most countries of the world without having to stay in a hotel right now ... and that's no exaggeration! 

It is a real privilege to have such an amazing and widespread group of friends and exciting to hear all their stories, pray for them, receive encouragement from them and from time to time even get to see them ... if we ever get to travel through countries at the same time ... which actually, this visit to the UK we have managed to do a couple of times! 

Last week, it was nice to add a few more friends to that circle and I'm really looking forward to hearing about how they're all getting on in the months to come!

Things I have learnt ...

This evening was my last Apprentice Wives meeting. For most of the time we've been living in the States, a group of us have met two evenings a month to share, encourage and learn from one another, while our husbands have been training in the MMS hangar.

As this was my last meeting I was asked to share what I have learnt over our time here.  When I started thinking about it, there were lots of useful (and not so useful things) that I have had to learn over recent years, so I started to make a list!

Some of these things I've been learning since my first missions trip to Iringa, Tanzania, back in 1997 (15 years ago!) and that continue to be relevant. Some I learnt to expect from my studies at All Nations and have now had a chance to put them into practice. Some are from personal experience and some are from observing others. Some are sensible and others are not ... but they are all things I've learnt since I started my journey into missions!! 

In no particular order ...

• How to drive on the other side of the road
• How to raise and maintain support 
• To appreciate Fair food Stateside ... deep fried oreos, funnel cake, corn dogs
• The differences between having a baby in the UK and the USA
• To be content whatever the resources and circumstances 
• How to plan and enjoy long road trips with little munchkins
• To speak a different language (American English can be very different)
• That the more you give (time/money/resources), the more you receive
• To always clarify the details when asked to do something (over and over) ... what you understand someone to be saying might not be what you’re being asked
• That God is interested and faithful in all the details
• Not to come with expectations
• That Americans will never fully understand the expression ‘A nice cup of tea’ in the same way Brits do!
• To look for where you can be useful, you can always make an important contribution
• That new culture’s aren’t wrong, they’re just different 
• That your family comes first, if you want to remain on the mission field 
• To find ways to extend hospitality to others because they often won’t extend it to you
• How to shoot a gun
• To take time to get settled as a family before getting involved in too many things
• That God really does supply all your needs, often in unexpected ways
• How to survive on very little sleep for prolonged periods of time
• To be intentional in making friendships
• How to be a mum to more than one daughter
• To enjoy iced-tea and endless refills of drinks at restaurants
• That when you invest time praying for difficult relationships, God can really turn them around in ways you couldn’t even imagine
• To appreciate some of the ‘cheesy’ American Christian movies and literature 
• That we are blessed with the full support of our family (even though they’re a long way away)
• Small town America is not the America of the movies
• To live for the last week before payday every month with no money
• That it’s important to find yourself replacement ‘family’ where you live
• That everyone deals with transition in different ways, don’t take it personally
• How to make a quilt
• That God continues to see the bigger picture and has got it all worked out perfectly, making time for him, helps you ‘sweat the big stuff’ less!

I look forward to learning even more stuff as the journey continues!

Good Friends and Good Food

It's Thanksgiving weekend here in the States and we've just got back from spending a few days with some good friends in Indiana (hence the day's delay on this post!). 

This was our fourth and final Thanksgiving here and my favourite. We got to take a trip to a new State to us, enjoy time with good friends who we haven't seen for a while and who are like family, eat some total yumminess, relax a little in the midst of the craziness of an international move, get some good deals in the Black Friday sales on things we really needed to buy before we leave ... and lots more! What was not to love?!

Thanksgiving is often stereotyped as an excuse for gluttonous feasting ... and to be fair, I haven't gone hungry any year we've celebrated it out here! There is a lot of pumpkin involved, as well as other combinations of food that wouldn't necessarily feel natural to me to put together on a plate but it has always been delicious!

Thanksgiving Dinner

This year, the day after Thanksgiving I got to treat our hosts to another yummy feast, this time one of Thai food. When I was studying at All Nations, I had a really good Thai friend, who taught me to cook 'real' Thai food, rather than a westernised version (much to my husband's delight!). We often enjoy a Thai meal at home but from time to time I'll cook three or more dishes when we entertain and give our friends a real 'party in their mouths'!

One of my favourites is the Matsaman Curry, so I always include that ... here's the recipe according to my wonderful Thai friend! Serve with basmati rice.

• Matsaman Curry Paste (approx 1Tbsp ... sometimes more!)
• 1 tin of coconut milk
• 500g beef or chicken, inch cubed
• 300g potatoes, inch cubed
• 1 cup milk
• 1 onion, cubed
• large handful of peas or green beans
• 50g salted peanuts
• 3 Tbsp brown sugar
• 3 Tbsp fish sauce

1. In a large saucepan, bring half coconut milk to boil and mix in paste
2. Add meat & when cooked, add extra coconut milk
3. Add potato (& water if necessary to cover potato)
4. Add milk
5. Add onion
6. Add peanuts
7. Add brown sugar and fish sauce
8. Boil/Simmer til it's all cooked

Learning

The whole point of our three years here is to learn ... not just Mark in the hangar but all of us. 

Whether it be to learn more ...

• about each other as a family
• from the mission community around us who have years of experience between them
• from living and adapting to a new culture (we have established that it is very different from the UK, here in Ohio!)
• from friendships we have made here and from our supporters at home
• from apprentices and their families who have gone before us
• from God and the lessons he is teaching us on our missionary journey 
• ... or many other things!!!!!

I have a good friend who takes every situation that she finds herself in, from the daily mundane stuff to the big things as an opportunity to be teachable. She makes it a priority to look for lessons to be learned, in everything ... and over the years that I have known her, she has grown so much as a result. I have a lot that I can learn from her, I know that I am not always as quick to look to for ways to grow through the situations that I find myself in as she can be.

On the flip side I have other friends, who are so quick to jump to conclusions about situations, that they don't stop to take in all the information, or are willing enough to be teachable, they just bowl straight in and have often offended in the process. While that sounds extreme, it can be a reality and when viewed in contrast with my other friend, seems incredibly arrogant, rather than dealing with situations with the humility we should ideally display. 

We're all prone to do it though, as alas we're only human. I've come to appreciate that I just need to work on making the most of every learning opportunity that comes my way and when it's not obvious, take a moment to look for it because it will inevitably be there ... somewhere! I still have a long way to go!

This pile of books has been Mark's nemesis for the last three years. This has been his main learning assignment (and a more traditional one) since we've been in the States ... the whole reason we're here. From the chapter tests he took during the first year or two (of which there were 46, one taken every 10 days), to the three FAA written exams at the end of his apprenticeship, the third of which he passed with flying colours (as he did with the other two!) this morning. Now he only has the oral and practical elements left and these books won't be quite so intimidating anymore!

Both at All Nations and here at MMS we've had the opportunity to learn and grow more as individuals and as a family. To make our relationships with each other stronger, the foundations of our faith deeper and the ability to be effective as missionaries greater. Once we get to Tanzania, we will just continue to learn ... and attempt to be as teachable as possible. That will have to be a conscious decision and one we will probably find ourselves recommitting to on a daily basis ... but consciously trying to learn through all circumstances is the only way we will be the most valuable in our roles.

Potluck, Jumble or Mismatch?

You'll have heard of a swarm of bees and a pod of dolphins. You'll have heard of a crowd of onlookers and a panel of judges. You'll have heard of a bunch of keys and a pack of lies. But how would you describe a group of missionaries? Which collective noun would you use? (A hint ... there is nothing that is currently being used, it's time to get creative!!)

In my experience, when you get a group of missionaries together, there always seems to be a slightly higher concentration of eccentric personalities! Maybe it's because you have to be, to up-sticks and move yourself and/or your whole family somewhere new, to embark on a a career path that is a little out-of-the-ordinary from the mainstream. Who knows? When I was in Tanzania before, at All Nations and now here in Ohio, I don't see any change in that pattern!

Another personality trait that is not uncommon to find amongst missionaries (especially those who are least prepared), are those who have gone into mission and moved away to escape something. I have first hand experience of seeing more than one person start out strong but then realise that wherever they are, they still have to work through whatever situation it was they thought they could avoid ... and then fall apart to some extent. I can't stress the importance of getting everything in order and taking the time to be fully prepared before you commit to mission work.

There are also those who fall somewhere along the 'normal' continuum too! I hope I fall into that category but how far along the line, I guess will be dependent on your own opinions of me and what I'm doing!!! 

With all that in mind I was trying to come up with a collective noun to describe missionaries. Like the group photo from our wedding below, all the them have been, are, or plan to be involved in mission work at some point ... but what are we called as a group? I thought maybe a 'potluck', a 'jumble' or a 'mismatch' of missionaries sounded about right! (For alliteration purposes, I'm leaning towards the last option!)

One famous missionary, Jim Elliot, once said "Missionaries are very human folks just doing what they're asked. Simply a bunch of nobodies trying to exalt Somebody". I'm thankful that whatever we're called and whatever our personalities, as long as we're willing, God can use us, wherever we are and whatever we're doing!

Let me know what you think. Do you have any other interesting alternatives for a group missionaries? In the meantime, in writing this I have discovered some new & very random collective nouns (& variations) for myself ... an ostentation of peacocks, a smack of jellyfish, a murder of crows, a parcel of hogs, a blessing of unicorns, an ambush of tigers, to name just a few! Here's my new favourite, a mission of monkeys ... that will come as no surprise to those who know me well!

Blink of an Eye

When we signed up with MAF, we knew that one requirement for us as a family, would be to complete the MMS programme. This meant approximately three more years of training. Having just had two years at All Nations, it seemed like another long stint of preparation time rather than being out 'doing mission'.

Before Mark could qualify as an aircraft maintenance engineer, he would have to complete 4,800 hours in the hangar and then take 3 written tests, one oral and one practical. We still felt this was the right route for us as a family, even with three years in the States. In fact, the majority of the planes Mark has been training on have been mission aircraft, now being used all over the world ... so in reality, he (along with the other guys in the hangar) have had a much farther reaching impact in the world of mission aircraft here at MMS, than he will once we're based in one place with MAF!

Well, guess what? Today, those 4,800 hours are complete ... what a big milestone in our family! In some respects they have flown by in the blink of an eye but so much has happened in the meantime. Including two trips back to the UK, Marks rapid response to PNG and ours as a family to Florida ... as well as gaining an additional member of the family last Easter when Naomi was born here in the States, to name just a few.

4pm today ... 4,800 hours done!

Having met at All Nations, we have always felt that our mission journey has been a joint venture, rather than me following Mark fulfil his calling. I know that when we moved here, Mark felt very responsible to make it work because we had moved for 'his' training but while he's been learning in the hangar, the girls at home have been learning lots too.

This next month or two will include Mark's exams and may feel a little more stressful than normal. I know that the weight of responsibility will weigh heavily on him once again as he takes each part of his examinations but I'm so proud of him and all he has achieved in his 4,800 hours in the hangar. I know that a lot of what he didn't know at the beginning will just be second nature to him now and it will be a lot more straight forward than he is expecting!

Our next phase of transition officially starts now!

Playing the Waiting Game

When I left All Nations in the summer of 2007, I had acquired both my diploma and a husband! After two years of mission focused study and lots of practical hands on experience, we were all trained up and eager to know what the next step for us as family would be. 

The only thing we knew was that we wanted one year in the UK as we'd only been married 6 months, to have a little time to cement our marriage relationship before embarking on the next exciting adventure. We just had to figure out where we would spend that year and what we would do from there.

Our parents were really supportive and we were able to stay at both their houses while we looked for work and somewhere to live. We began the summer full of anticipation ... the world was literally our oyster. Every night we prayed together that God would show us the right direction and every day we seemed to hit a brick wall ... a big blank. 

As the summer progressed we got less and less excited by the prospect of being able to do anything and go anywhere ... and got more and more frustrated with the lack of feedback we were getting from God! We were constantly being asked by interested family and friends what we were going to be doing, where we were going to live, did we have a job yet ... should we just do something/anything in the meantime. After a couple of months, what did we have to show for it ... absolutely nothing!

Back up to just before we left All Nations. A good friend of ours had been praying and told us she really felt God was asking us to wait on him. We were waiting ... of course we were ... but also pushing and being pushed to move forward ... apparently that doesn't constitute waiting! 

There was one particular week where we were almost at the end of our tethers, when parents were away and we had a house to ourselves, when we decided maybe we should 'just wait' and not try and 'do' anything related to our future and just hang out and have fun. Interestingly, on the Tuesday we both finally felt confirmation that we should apply to MAF UK, by the Thursday Mark had a job and on the Friday we had found a house. It seems that listening to God and actually obeying, instead of thinking we knew what we were doing, was all we needed to do. The rest they say is history!

This week some really good friends of ours (the Gettles, pictured below) just completed the apprenticeship programme here at MMS Aviation. We started here around the same time, in the Autumn of 2009 and as Paul had already accrued some hours in another hangar was able to finish a little bit ahead of Mark. All the Brits who come through the MMS programme are already signed up to serve with MAF afterwards. Typically the American apprentices often don't have a mission until nearer the end. 

In the case of the Gettles, in spite of pushing doors and visiting different missions, the next step isn't yet clear for them. After going through the training (just like we had at All Nations) and being eager and ready to serve, wherever God would have them ... there are no clear answers yet and they are now taking it one day at a time and trying not to give into the frustrations.

Following the adventure of a family in mission isn't always straight forward and can be incredibly frustrating (you can ask my hubby ... I am not the most patient of people!). The lessons we learn along the way can be tough and unexplainable, but help us be more effective further down the track. Whether it is just to testify that the waiting pays off to another family who are in the same position or something more. I'm just grateful that God has it all well planned out from his view point and as long as we're faithful to him, he'll look out for us and be faithful right back at us!

Jeremiah 29:11For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Getting to know you ...

Have you ever been at an event where there are ice-breakers at the beginning? I have to admit even the term ice-breaker makes me cringe a little but generally they do their job so I have to admit that for the most part they are extremely beneficial! On Friday night at the quilting evening, I had to describe my life in 6 words ... so after some thought wrote, 'Overseas adventurer ready for new challenges'. I don't think I'm going to be disappointed there!!

Have you played the one where you have to say three statements about yourself, two of which are true and one is false? Tonight I am sharing my testimony at our Apprentice Wives meeting. I did it at the beginning of our 3 years here but the group has now completely changed so it will be fun to share it again. As I've got to know many of the ladies ... some parts of my story won't be unfamiliar to them. So I thought I'd start with a little quiz and then build my story around the answers as they go.

While you won't get to hear the story or see the photos that go with them ... I thought I'd include the questions here to see how well you know me too! For each one, two are true and one is false. Can you work them out? (I will include the answers at the bottom of this post ... but not until later on in the week ... scroll down, they are there now!)

1. Childhood Church ...
a. I was taken to church by my neighbour aged 2
b. I was confirmed aged 11
c. I was baptised aged 13

2. I moved churches aged 16 ...
a. because a good friend also moved there
b. because of a boy
c. because I met load of the youth on holiday

3. At university ...
a. I fell for a big black rugby player
b. I worked three different jobs as well as studying
c. I tried some illegal drugs

4. God’s sense of humour ...
a. I didn’t study a language at university because of the year abroad
b. I swore I’d never study again after university
c. I didn’t want to go into mission until I had a masters degree

5. Short-term mission experience ...
a. I’ve dug a well
b. I have built a house
c. I have worked in a slum

6. Year as a Lay Assistant ...
a. The only time I’ve shared a room with anyone apart from Mark
b. I played my flute in the worship group
c. I had issues with my supervisor (the vicar’s wife)

7. Dodoma ...
a. I taught music
b. I taught swimming
c. I taught french

8. Travel - I have eaten ...
a. Crocodile in Kenya
b. Dog in Vietnam
c. Kangaroo in Australia

9. Animals ...
a. I have walked with chimpanzees
b. I have ridden an elephant
c. I have swum with dolphins

10. Adventures ...
a. I have stood on the top of Kilimanjaro
b. I have jumped out of a plane
c. I have white-water rafted

11. Randoms ...
a. I have heard a bomb explode
b. I have watched a plane crash
c. I have felt an earthquake

12. Working with asylum-seekers ...
a. We had to do self-defense in our basic training
b. I know someone who has met Saddam Hussein
c. I got to use Swahili and French at work

13. All Nations ...
a. I know someone who used to be in the Korean Mafia
b. I know someone who used to work with drug addicts in Australia
c. I know someone who used to be a child soldier in Uganda

14. Mark ...
a. I knew Mark was the one for me after 5 weeks
b. We said those 3 special words after 10 days of dating
c. We were engaged after two months

15. Pregnancy ...
a. I had post-natal depression with both girls
b. I cried over the death of an A-list celebrity while pregnant
c. I have cried over some chicken breasts while pregnant

16. MAF ...
a. I have celebrated my birthday on a MAF compound
b. I have swum in the pool of a MAF compound
c. I have lived on a MAF compound

The false statements are ... 
1b, 2a, 3c, 4c, 5a, 6b, 7a, 8b, 9b, 10c, 11b, 12a, 13c, 14c, 15a, 16b
How did you do? 

Cheese-Less Lemon Cheesecake

The missionary lifestyle involves lots of comings and goings. For your own family and for those around you. I remember when I was in Tanzania, there were some people who had been serving with various organisations for 10+ years, some almost 20. There were also those who were just there for as little as 6 months. Or those that you just overlapped with for only a month or two.

Friendships you make can last a lifetime. Although I was only there for two years, I am still in touch with people I worked with, 13 years ago. In the last year or so the few remaining ex-pats I knew have moved on and are now dotted all over the place but my local friends are mostly still there. As a result of that and studying at All Nations, I now have really good friends literally all over the world. 

Friendships in that environment can seem like an effort though and sometimes not even worth it. Imagine, you constantly get close to someone or a family, only for them to move on a short while later, leaving a gap. Then you get to know someone else and it happens all over again. That is part of living in a missionary community and can be perceived as a downside especially when you have little ones who don't understand when their buddies are moving, not to come back again.

But when I consider the friends I am still in touch with from my time back in Tanzania, many of them are ones I only overlapped with for just a short time and I wouldn't trade those friendships for anything. In most cases we've travelled across the world to catch up or travel a bit together during the years that followed or to be guests at each other's weddings. So even though the short term investment didn't necessarily make sense ... the pay off has definitely been worth it!

Today we spent the afternoon and evening with a family that are staying in Coshocton for just a short while. It is a Bank Holiday and so they came over, the kids played well together in the garden and we enjoyed a meal this evening. They will only be here for a few more months and we will only be here til the end of the year but just for this short time we overlap and had a chance to build new friendships and learn a little from one another.

One piece of deliciousness that we shared today was a cheesecake recipe that one of our All Nations buddies, who is now living in North Africa, introduced us to. It's really easy, so yummy and contains absolutely no cheese whatsoever! The recipe is below.

• 6oz crushed ginger snaps
• 3oz butter melted
• small can condensed milk
• 1/4 pint double/whipping cream
• 2 lemons - finely grate rind, then squeeze

1. Mix ginger snaps and butter
2. Press into pie dish and chill
3. Beat condensed milk & cream in bowl
4. Add half lemon juice - mix some more
5. Add remaining lemon juice - mix
6. Pour over base & sprinkle with rind
7. Chill (& final set) in refrigerator

A word of warning ... one slice might not be enough!!

Property Ladder

Many people dream of owning a home, a place of their own and work towards achieving that goal for years. When I applied to study at All Nations, I was torn whether I should first work, save and buy property or just trust that God would work it all out and start studying straight away. 

It felt like the biggest sacrifice in the world, as a lot of my friends had just bought or were in the process of buying, places of their own and doing them up. It was something I would love to have been doing too and the hardest part of following what God was telling me to do. As it turned out, soon after I started at All Nations I met Mark ... and one of the 'perks' of marrying him was was that he had a flat. So technically once the ring was on my finger, I also owned property. (Apparently obedience to God results in him giving you what you wanted in the first place!)

Ironically though, today we have officially taken our feet OFF the property ladder! In a totally counter-cultural decision we realised it made more sense for us not to have a property in the UK right now ... for reasons I won't choose to bore you with! This morning we had the confirmation in an email that someone else now owns what yesterday had belonged to us! And we are so excited about it!

Since we first got married, we have never lived in the flat we owned, just rented it out. We have lived in 3 different places so far ... all of them rented and we will continue to do so for the at least the next decade because of the nature of our mission work. Our second home was the cutest so far (see below). A little stone cottage in a tiny village in Dorset, UK called Bradford Abbas and it's where we welcomed Abigail into the world so it will always hold a special place in our heart!

About four weeks after we first met we were talking about what our dream homes would be like. It was the most bizarre conversation as both myself and Mark found ourselves describing the same house!! That is not a joke!! We now continually find ourselves starting the sentence "When we eventually have a place of our own it will have ..."! So much so that we now refer to it as our 'Forever House' and what it will be like. Who knows where that house will be, but it's going to be amazing and in the meantime we will make wherever we are living home, even if we don't actually own it!

Sandwich Fillers

It seems that there are some universal favourite foods within cultures that if you haven't been brought up with them ... you completely don't understand!! Marmite would have to be one of the most obvious Brit examples!

In the UK there is a definite Marmite divide. You either 'Love it or Hate it' ... their infamous slogan! I definitely know more in the first category and many of my friends who have moved overseas have made Marmite a priority when packing their bags and boxes ... ensuring a never ending supply! 

I do have friends who got married a couple of years ago where she LOVES it and he HATES it!! Awkward! I believe there is a certain kissing rule in their household now ... he will only kiss her after an agreed amount of time has passed after she eats something which includes Marmite. Too funny!

For those of you wondering 'What on earth is this stuff?' (which was the reaction of many of my friends here in small town Ohio) ... it's a yeast extract spread with lots of flavour! People who aren't familiar with it often spread it like chocolate spread ... way too much, even for a Marmite lover like me! While we were at All Nations we loved watching all the International students reactions to it ... the faces that were pulled after their first bites were often hilarious!

Our household is one with a constant supply of Marmite, as so far, we all love it. Naomi has yet to take that first bite but it won't be long. Abigail loves it so much that given the choice she would have it in her sandwich every day! In fact, if you ask her what she would like for lunch her response is always, cheese, ham and marmite! We love it in sandwiches or on toast ... there's even a Marmite recipe book which we own but haven't any recipes from yet!

It got me thinking as to what the equivalent favourite sandwich filler would be here in the States, especially for the little ones. I came to the conclusion that it was PBJ ... which written like that would have totally baffled me before we moved to the States in 2009! Peanut Butter and Jelly (for the English translation ... that last bit is Jam!). Many of the mum's I know here would say this was a regular favourite of their children.

This combination sounds totally inedible to me and certainly not normal! However I will concede that  having tried many new foods so far during my travels and been pleasantly surprised on a regular basis I will hold judgement until I've actually tried this 'local delicacy'! I'm sure if our friends here tried Marmite they would have a similar reaction too!

For now we will stick with what we know and make sure the supplies are kept healthy for the rest of our time in the States ... and then start a new stock pile when we move on from here!

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet." 

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

In some ways naming my girlies felt like even more of a responsibility than having and looking after them. Seriously! The names we give our children can define who they are for the rest of their lives. During both my pregnancies, it felt like one of the biggest decisions my husband and I had to make.

As we didn't know if we were having a girl or a boy with either pregnancy we had the added responsibility of finding two names each time. We decided to make each decision a secret until we announced the birth's of our girls. Everyone has an opinion and association with certain names and as both my mum and Mark's sister are teachers, with an even bigger source of association, we thought it was better if we chose the names without any input from anyone but each other.


When we were at All Nations we made some really good Korean friends. All their names were really unusual, after all they were Korean, but the meanings were beautiful. It made me want to ensure that not only were my children's names beautiful but that the meanings were too. No pressure on myself then!

Looking through the baby name books some of the first names I checked out were mine and Mark's. Mark means warlike and Jennifer means white ghost or white wave. There were then a million others to choose from that we had to narrow down to our favourites for the future little Beckwith babies!


First time round we chose Abigail Eve, Abigail meaning father rejoices and Eve meaning life. Second time round we chose Naomi Grace, Naomi meaning delightful and Grace meaning blessing from God. We hope that as they grow up both girls will come to appreciate the names we have given them and their meanings, we spent a lot of time and consideration choosing them.


Since we lived in America we've noticed that choices of baby names can be very different. For example in the last 12 months friends who have had baby boys have chosen names like Easton, Cooper, Jackson, Colton which until now I would have associated with surnames ... the girls names have been more familiar. It is obviously a cultural thing, as with many other differences we have found since living in the States. Just another thing that enhances the experience of living here for a few years!