Being English

At the end of last year I read a book that opened my eyes, made me laugh (many times) ... and made me understand a little bit more about why I think the way I do! I can't even count the number of times that I wanted to read Mark extracts from it!

Are you English? Are you English and work with people from other cultures? Do you know anyone who is English? Then I can't recommend this book enough. It was suggested to me by an American friend who is married to someone English and I even think it was something that was mentioned as helpful to look at when we were at All Nations, for those living cross-culturally.

Anyway ... it is called Watching the English, it was written by an English anthropologist, who has spent a lot of time living in different cultures throughout her life. She was able to analyse the English culture, while also having an insiders view! Hilariously insightful and sometimes painfully accurate! Making me question why on earth we do some things and giving me an understanding why other things seem 'normal' to us and downright weird to others!

From pub-culture, to queueing, to how the different classes spend their money on weddings ... and of course the magical powers of a simple cup of tea, Kate Fox analyses and sometimes uses behaviour that is counter-culture just to test peoples reactions! 

Below are just a few of the extracts that put a smile on my face ...

"My queue-jumping experiments were the most difficult and distasteful and upsetting of all the rule-breaking field-experiments I conducted during the research for this book ... just the thought of queue-jumping was so horribly embarrassing that I very nearly abandoned the whole project rather than subject myself to such an ordeal."

"... when you examine English queues under a social-science microscope, you find that each one is a little mini-drama - not just an entertaining 'comedy of manners', but a real human-interest story, full of intrigue and scheming, intense moral dilemmas, honour and altruism, shifting alliances, shame and face-saving, anger and reconciliation." 

"Tea is still believed, by English people of all classes, to have miraculous properties. A cup of tea can cure, or at least significantly alleviate, almost all minor physical ailments and indispositions, from a headache to a scraped knee. Tea is also an essential remedy for all social and psychological ills, from a bruised ego to the trauma of a divorce or bereavement. This magical drink can be used equally effectively as a sedative or stimulant, to calm and soothe or to revive and invigorate. Whatever your mental or physical state, what you need is 'a nice cup of tea'" 

This last week I've had a couple of conversations about it with some other Brit friends ... hoping it can make you smile to!

Being Different

Today's post is a guest blog from one of my missionary mum friends, Joni Versteeg. I met Joni, her husband, Eduard, and their two oldest children (of which one was a new born at the time!) at All Nations, we were in the same Tutor Group. They are from Holland and are currently serving with International Teams in Albania. Joni was a missionary kid herself before becoming a missionary mum and so has a great understanding of living life, being 'different' in a new culture.

You may not know this, but if you are a missionary mom like me, you are green. 

I can’t stop thinking about the face of the lady in the bakery down the street. Every time she sees me walk towards the shop, she get’s this scared, worried look on her face. I know I can’t put words into her mouth, but I can almost hear her think…"Oh no, here she comes again. Why does this woman always buy 5 loaves of bread? It will definitely cause a cue and it makes me stressed. Doesn’t she know that all normal people just buy one loaf at the time?"

We are different ...

As an MK (Missionary Kid) I can remember wanting to just blend in especially during furlough. I didn’t want to be different, I didn’t want to stand out, I wanted to be NORMAL.  

It brings a smile to my face when I think about that day in the village. I can’t quite remember what we were celebrating, but we had a party and of course people were dancing, because after all what is an Albanian party without dancing?! I was so proud of myself for joining in. I was the only foreigner among them and I thought I was doing so well. I got all the steps down and was able to keep up. Until at one point the guy next to me looks at me and says; ‘It doesn’t matter Joni, you’ll learn …’  

We are different …

Eduard does the dishes and looks after the kids when I am out of the house. I drive the car to and from the village (I remember the time when all the boys came and watched me turn the car around). Our kids don’t go to the local school …

We are different … 

We do try to fit in in the Albanian culture as well as we can. The greatest compliment they can give me is that they think I’m Albanian (they usually think I’m an Albanian who has lived outside of the country for a while, because of my accent). To be honest I think most of our Albanian friends would agree that we fit in pretty well. We can speak the language, we do the traditional visits and we know that we are supposed to wish them a happy wedding for their kids as we raise our glass. 

But even so, in the end we are different. 

We are green. Let’s say our home culture represents the colour blue and the hosting culture represents the colour yellow. What do you get when those two meet? That’s right: A whole different colour, a whole different ‘normal’: green. 

My prayer is that the people around us can see past the cultural differences and that they can see that there is something else that is different about us. If you read Ephesians 4:20 in Dutch, it says: but you are different, you have gotten to know Christ! I love that kind of different! I’m so happy that different can be positive.

Absolutely Fuming

Sometimes things go smoothly, sometimes they don't. Every day, people go through different circumstances and we all cope with them in different ways. Often we have no idea of the extent of those in the lives of others just like they often don't know what's going on in ours!

The greetings we use every day make me laugh. "How are you?", with the standard responses being "Fine" or "Good thanks". It's the same here in Tanzania, when you greet (which you do during the first 5 minutes of every conversation!) in Kiswahili the response is either "Nzuri" or "Salama" ... basically "Good"!

Recently I was talking with a friend about this quote (below) that has been floating about on and off on Facebook for the last few months. How true it is ... but how easy is it to "Be kind. Always."?

Earlier this week I had a conversation with someone, first thing in the morning and without even giving me a chance to say 'Hello', they more-than-ranted about something that wasn't even any business of theirs and made me feel awful, really wound up and frustrated. 

I would like to say that I was the perfect Christian missionary wife and mum, forgiving and understanding. Quick with a word of encouragement. But I'm only human! I had to drive across town straight afterwards and would be lying if I didn't say I was absolutely fuming the whole way there and the whole back! In fact, I'm surprised that there wasn't smoke coming out of my ears, I really was THAT mad!

Remembering the quote above. I took time to consider all that the person in question is going through at the moment. While I don't condone their behaviour, I understood a little bit why they acted the way they did. I also came to the conclusion that anger breeds anger ... they had made me mad after all. Forgiveness and understanding would be a much better reaction (requiring super-human powers) and besides I wasn't going to let them ruin my day.

Just because people are Christians doesn't make them perfect. I know those looking in on the Christian community are often quick to criticise when people they expect to act without fault, mess up ... or just 'act human'! We're all a work in progress and sometimes it is harder to react in a godly way than others ... but in the meantime just remember, everyone is fighting a battle you may never even know about, don't be quick to judge (or fume), be kind.